


Fuck Me in the Ass, Sugamomma

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Complete crack, Crack, DONT READ THIS SMH, M/M, S m h, SUGA FUCKS TANAKA IN THE ASS HELP ME OH LORD, actually not funny, fUCK ME, i promised anohter one, jealous daichi, tanaka bottoms, tanaka didnt know he was with noya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 00:54:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7486995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Suga and Tanaka get in an argument, the only acceptable thing to do is: A) Make up, B) Fuck each other, or C) Argue some more. They pick option B and Daichi gets jealous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuck Me in the Ass, Sugamomma

**Author's Note:**

> written with https://plus.google.com/u/0/116260093879944115054/posts on Google+
> 
> end my life. just fuck it.

"TANAKAAAAAAA," Suga yells. The addressed Baldy screams in fear. Suga goes over there in one stride and bitch-slapped Tanaka. That's about the fifth time today.

****CRITICAL HIT,**** comes a voice out of nowhere. Across the court, shouts saying "Nice kill, Suga!" can be heard.

Sugamomma gets all the bitches. "WOOOOOOO," he shouts.

"I HAVE BEEN VANQUISHED," Tanaka cries sadly. He's lying on the floor curled up shedding tears like the WEAKLING he is.  

"SUCK IT, BBBBIIITCHHHH," Sugawara roars. It's terrifying.

"MOTHERFUCKER!"

"ASSFUCKER!"

"BUTTFUCKER!"

"ANUSFUCKERRRRRR!"

The insults flt back and forth. It is absolute chaos and everyone there loves it. The two that are arguing move to another room where Dadchi can't hear their yells. "I give up," Tanaka says. This is too much for him.

"HA," Suga laughs.

"Fuck."

"HA HA."

"FUCK YOU," Tanaka screams.

"GLADLY," comes the reply.

"WHEN AND WHERE?" This is getting serious. HOOO BOY.

"THE CLUB ROOM AT LUNCHTIME," the light-haired man suggests. It's starting to look like volleyball!Connie will agree. "Don't tell Dadchi," Suga whispers.

"You got it, Sugamomma." Before leaving, he says, ":^)."

****THE NEXT FUCKING DAY I AM DONE WITH THIS SHIT A  A HHH** **

"Are we still on for lunch, Suga-channnnn?" Tanaka asks in a drawling voice. Sugawara turns to his underclassman with the creepiest fucking look. It's like the look Oikawa has when they're about to lose the match and he's smiling and there are shadows across his face. Holy shit.

"That's the plan, Tanaka-chan." Suga smiles at his own rhyme, and then his face morphs into one of pure anger. "AND I AM YOUR SENPAI YOU SHITFUCK."

"Uwaaahhh! I'm sorry Suga-senpai, you little assnugget." Tanaka won't get away with this. He'll pay.  _In the club room at lunch._

"I haev hte keYS to Clubb room!"

"Let's go." Tanaka has to go fast. Gotta go fast. S p e e d - o ' - S o u n d   S o n i c. Suga meets him there. "Senpai, I'm shy..." Tanaka blushes.

"Shh, mama's going to go gentle. Now let's do it." He pats his lap.

****No smut in my GOOD CHRISTIAN SUBURBS just kidding i'm gay as hell but lazy also** **

"Senpai, that was great," he says.

"Remember, don't tell Daichi." Unluckily for them, Daichi's right there.

"HI DAICHI HOW ARE YOU," Tanaka screams.

"I'm.... Fine.... What have you two been up to?" He probably knows.

"Repairing a broken shelf in the club room."

"Yeah, it got pretty messed up."

Daichi nods and walks away.

"That was close."

"I can still hear you, you know," Daichi's voice comes from downstairs.

"Also I heard what was actually going on in the clubroom... Suga... We're over..."

"NOOOOO," he yells.

"Dadchi, it's a misunderstanding!"

"How?" The father cries in the corner.

"I'm sure you heard wrong!"

"THOSE WERE SEXUAL NOISES."

"We were trying to lift the shelf!"

"Those are made out of plastic."

"Dadchi- left me..." Suga hiccups. Tanaka runs over and hugs him. It'll be all right. "I- I miss Dadchi."

Tanaka runs over and grabs Daichi by the collar. "GO APOLOGIZE TO YOUR WIFE."

"Suga cheated on me. Why should I? He literally JUST had sex with you. Explain and I'll think about forgiving him."

"It's a long story but we were arguing, i said 'FUCK YOU' and he was like 'OKAY' so i was like 'WHEN AND WHERE' so this happend."

"So it's your fault?"

"Yes."

"Hmmm..."

"Please forgive him."

"You promise never to do that again? And also you must run ten laps around the school." 

"OKAY," he promised.

"SUGGAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Y-Yes?"

"Tanaka did I do something wrong why is he shouting my name."

"No. Just go to him." Suga shakily walks over to Daichi.

"I'm sorry for misunderstanding." He hugs Suga and the two kiss for a moment.

"Hush, my lovely wife. It's okay now."

"R-right." Suga's eyes are full of tears and a few escape.

"So don't cry." He gently wipes the tears off Suga's face.

"What are you guys doing?" Hinata says, approaching the others.

"We had a fight," Tanaka says.

"Thanks to you," Daichi retorts.

"Hmmmm? About what?" Hinata wonders.

"N-Nothing!" Tanaka says. 

"Hmph. I want to know..." Hinata is so pure.

"Suga, should I tell him."

"Only if you want to..." The third-year looks doubtful. Hinata nods eagerly.

"Suga and Tanaka fucked in the club room." After he says this, Daichi sighs. Hinata is too good, too pure for this shit. He wonders why he didn't reword it and save him from this hell.

"EHHHH?! WHY??!" Hinata looks bewildered. He can't take this kind of pressure. 

"Because TANAKA IS A FUCKING SLUT," Daichi yells angrily. 

Hinata gasps and gives a disapproving look at Tanaka. "Don't fuck other people's wives!!!"

"I BOTTOMED FOR FUCK'S SAKE." The screaming starts up again. 

"WAIT, SO SUGA CHEATED ON DAICHI?!?!" Hinata looked back and forth between the two of them.

"BUT I PRESSURED HIM INTO IT!!!!" 

"TANAKA YOU SLUT!!"

"Oh, my," Suga says with a hand over his mouth.

"AAAAAH." Tanaka has transcended words. He resorts to screaming gibberish instead.

"Yes, Hinata! Preach!" Daichi claps and throws a rose at the shrimp.

"Wait does that mean Tanaka cheated on Noya then?!"

"Noya and I are together?!?!"

"You ain't fooling nobody."

He makes a choking sound. "Oh god... it's true..."

"Yeah." Hinata stares blankly.

"I never knew."

"Are you kidding me?"

"I'M SORRY," he shouts.

"I doubt you are sorry."

"I- I wasn't..."

"All right, break it up now, break it up." Daichi stops this before another fight can begin.

"But-" Hinata is truly enjoying this.

"Yes, let's stop talking," Tanaka agrees.

"If you two started fighting I would've had to give you both a whooping," Suga reminds them.

"Scary," Tanaka and the shrimp say in unison.

"Now, now, I'm not that scary, am I? Daichi is scarier when he's angry."

"Yes... He is...

"He's right there you know." Tanaka points to the unamused father figure.

Fin.

 


End file.
